We Fight and We Will Win

I push and I push and I push
You push everyone away.
I push away the people I love.
But not her.
I’m afraid
you’re so afraid
That she’ll leave me.
Just like the rest did.
Yet, she promises she won’t.
So why do you keep pushing?
 
She hates seeing me like this.
You hate yourself like this.
She tells me that she loves me
But you don’t love yourself.
She says she wants to be with me
But you don’t want to be with yourself.
And more than anything I want to be with her.
Then you know what you must do.
 
I can’t fight it alone anymore.
You never really had to.
Anxiety has taken so much from me
Then don’t let it take any more.
I’m going to make one final stand
You won’t be standing alone.
I won’t let this win.
WE won’t let this win.
 
This battle may be done
You’ve lost a lot of ground.
But the war is far from over
We’ll stand behind you always.
I fight so I can be with her
We fight so you can be with you.
I fight so I can be with me.
We fight to keep your sanity.
 
She’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me
you really love her don’t you?
Yes, she is my everything.
Then we fight so you will not lose her.
We fight so I will not lose her.
We fight and we will win.
We will win.
 
©2014 Alexander J Hicks

CONFIDENCE

Confidence
Concede your ignorance
On broken words no longer fall
Not looking back at choices made
For the future is unknown
If failure is your Achilles heel
Do not give it power
Everyone must fail sometimes
Never let your fear
Condemn your life for
Everyone has the power to choose.

Silhouette of Distortion

This is the first time that I’ve written with David Ellis over at TooFullToWrite. I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed writing this one as he is an expert at artistic expression and amazing at creating flow and emotion as well. I hope to write more with him in the future, so go over to his blog and follow him. Enjoy!
 
Silhouette of Distortion
 
A carnival for the soul, rampant silhouette of distortion
Glass shatters, razor sharp, mercilessly unforgiving
Tarnished to within an inch of life’s sacred essence
Misleading impressions, imposters full of indifference
 
Simple shattered memories, like a broken picture frame
A reflection of the past relived, a reflection of the shame
The lies we only tell ourselves, to ease the mighty blow
Life’s cruel twisted, torturous fate that we’ve all come to know
 
Love’s tender kiss cuts, echoing through onion skin layers
Fragile sea of ecstasy, illuminating strangers tiptoeing before us
What kind of creature will be conjured up today in this barren house?
Vanity vacuously, viciously, plays its deadly game of cat and mouse
 
One must question reality, as the eyes of thousands watch
The ears they listen closely, but they don’t hear very much
As waves and waves of strangers words crash upon the shore
If they succeeded or they failed, doesn’t matter anymore
 
Smoke hides what’s inside only for so long before it dissipates
Foggy veils now lift, delicately expose, frustrate then intimidate
To become comfortable in one’s skin can often take the course of a lifetime
Accept yourself and your perfect flaws then the mirror will no longer be a burden
 
The monsters we keep from ourselves that in our minds reside
Will ease their torment, fade to black, and vanish over time
The voices of the thousands, that echo each and every day
Will slowly lose their meaning with every word they say
 
Until nothing is left but the purest clarity
Radiating and driving forth in its singularity
Allowing us to be triumphant in the face of adversity
As we ultimately muse on forgotten misconstrued inadequacy
 
©2014 Alex Hicks and David Ellis
 
Thank you for reading! Again, be sure to head over to his blog and follow him.

Want to Feel Something Real?

Here’s a little bit of free verse that I threw together this morning. Let me know what you think.

You want to feel something real?
Loss is something real
It’s a feeling of regret
A feeling of emptyness
A feeling like theres a hole in your chest
right next to your heart
and if you look insite that hole
you can see your heart
beating
beating
beating
And it wouldn’t be so bad
If you were the only one looking
But you’re not
The whole world is looking
Looking at your heart there
thumping
thumping
thumping
in your chest.
some may try to help you hide it
but no matter how hard they try
that feeling is still there
the feeling that the world is watching
staring at you as you cry
as your tears
drip
drip
drip
down your face.
You wish you could turn away
You wish they couldn’t see you
You wish they could see through you
like they can see through the hole in your chest
But part of you
part of you wants them to see
Part of you wants someone to be there
Someone who can hide you from the world
Someone who will catch you when you fall
Someone who won’t poke at your heart
Or try to cover the hole
But someone who will sew the wound together again
With strings pulled from their own heart
And that’s when you realize.
Everyone who is watching
Staring at your still beating heart
has a hole in their chest too
right next to their hearts
just
like
you.

©2013 Alex Hicks

My Hate

It wasn’t such a long time ago
That I was deep in my own version of hell
I pushed everyone away
I wore armor made of jokes and sarcasm
I pretended to be having fun
When i was secretly fostering hate
for everyone and everything around me
And openly fostering hate for myself.

It’s not a pleseant feeling,
Feeling that there’s something there
Or rather that there is nothing there
Where there should be something.

Something to fill the hole in ones heart
where love had once stood
But had been ripped out of you
Over the span of five years
Ripped out of you
By someone who you wanted to care about
Who wanted you to care

And at the end of it all
When I ended it
I felt nothing
You had made me numb
Dulled the senses
Numbed the pain
Removed the part of me that could love.

But over time I got it back
I built up walls to keep people away
So I could heal
So my heart could heal

And it did.

Sure I still foster that hate sometimes
It’s a remnant of my past
A remnant of those memories

And sure, when that feeling arises
I worry that I’ll loose control
That my mind will go where that place in my heart went
And then?
She speaks…
She comforts me…
She speaks softly to me…
And everything is okay.

The hate in my mind stops hating and just listens
It laughs with me when she tells a joke
And it stares with me when I stare

The voice that calms the savage beast.

So sure, I worry about that hate
But never while I’m with her.

©2013 Alex Hicks

What Makes a Poet

What Makes a Poet
Writing a few lines of verse
Doesn’t make you a songwriter
Just as a few letters on a page
Doesn’t make you a book writer

Rhyming words strung together
Does not a poet make
Nor are you a singer
With a few notes on the page.

But every poem must start
By a single written line
And expanded with experience
And tempered over time

The ability to write
does not make a poet
You can know what a pen is
But not know how to use it

See, what makes a poet
Is not the ability to write
It’s the emotions of the artist
It’s the driving will to fight

It’s the experiences had
That really make them think
Emotions boiled over
In some simple drops of ink

©2013 Alex Hicks

Why I Write

So I’ve been playing with homophones for the past couple days and this is the poem I came up with.
 

 
You’ll see it when I walk the aisle
Pens will blaze and you know I’ll
Shed my poetry like fur
While keeping fresh like winter fir
 
And with the sunrise in the morning
We will all be busy mourning
For all of those who will be missed
As our tears fade to morning mist
 
Her tears will fall as she raise her veil
As the morning sun greets the vale
And clouds roll in bringing rain
The end of me and of my reign
 
This is the story that I sell
My mind is like my prison cell
The bars in here aren’t made of metal
But broken in by my own mettle
 
I’m not famous, not an heir
But writing comes to me like air
A perfect pillow without a seam
My writing is more than it may seem
 
I tell you all what I have seen
Just like a play at end of scene
I’ve seen so many exit stage right
And that is why I choose to write.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

Promise


 
I’m the kind of person who is happiest
When making other people happy.
 
If I make one person laugh every day
Then it will have been a good day for me.
 
This poses a small problem for me
 
When someone tells me
That they’ve had a hard life
I don’t know what to say because
Nothing I could say would make their situation
Any better.
 
So I just sit there in silence
Watching
Waiting
 
I don’t know what I’m waiting for.
Maybe I’m waiting for them to get mad at me
for not saying anything
Maybe I’m waiting for the tears they’ll inevitably cry
Or maybe I’m waiting for the moment to insert a joke
Or anything that I think will make them smile
 
But that moment rarely comes
 
There’s a time and place for everything
But there rarely seems to be a time and place for me
 
In the moment,
I’ll sit in silence watching your face
For signs of what you’ll do next.
 
Whether it be tears of sadness or rage
Or a scream
 
But I don’t speak
Because you’ve heard the lies before
“Everything will be fine”
“It will all work out in the end”
“I’ll always be here for you”
 
I won’t speak those lies
Because everything won’t be fine
It may not work out in the end
I may not always be here for you
 
But I’m here now.
That’s a promise I can keep.
 
I’ll be the ears to hear that scream
The shoulder to cry on
The foundation to hold you up
 
But I can’t promise to always be there for you
Because I don’t know if I can keep that promise.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

Superhero

Last year I read a poem that ended with something along the lines of:
“But no one seems to notice
When a superhero sheds a tear.”
I can’t find that poem for the life of me now so if you have it I desperately want it for my collection.

This poem is inspired by that one.

Enjoy!


INVISIBLE-GIRL
 
She walks the streets in sunlight
And no one really knows
The side of her that’s secret
The one she never shows.
 
She’s the invisible girl
And she’s always there to help
Purse snatcher, bank robbers
She’s not good for their health
 
She’ll save your falling child
Or thwart a robbers plan
She’ll save the day and vanish
As fast as she possibly can
 
But when it’s time for sunrise
She’ll be normal once again
A normal lonely girl
Waiting for the day to end
 
She lives in her apartment
Run down and full of mice
Living off of nothing
But water and some rice
 
She’s the invisible girl
Living in pain and fear
Because nobody will notice
When a superhero sheds a tear.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

Any Other Way


 
Of course it’s a girl
That’s always the cause
My actions and judgement
They’re all going wrong
 
Synapses firing
Against my own will
Some say it’s annoying
And it is but still
 
The things that I’m feeling
I want them to stay
I wouldn’t have it
Any other way
 
The risks that I’m taking
The mountains I’ll climb
Some say I’m in danger
But I say I’m fine
 
They say that I’ve changed
That I’m not the same as I was
They say it’s a bad thing
But it can’t be because
 
The things that I’m feeling
I want them to stay
I wouldn’t have it
Any other way
 
This is what I want
What I’ve been searching for
I’ve found something new here
That I’ve not had before
 
That feeling of emptyness
Is no longer with me
So yes I have changed
And the fact’s simply
 
The things that I’m feeling
I want them to stay
and I wouldn’t have it
Any other way.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks