A Little More About Me. And Why I’m Angry.

No, I’m not angry with my readers. I’m angry with my family, and with some of my local friends. And here’s why:

Recently I posted something explaining that someone important in my life had been arrested and is being charged with something that I find to be the most despicable of crimes.

Now, my readers may not know this, but I find children to be the most beautiful thing in this world. They are the essence of innocence and deserve as much respect and protection as our elders do, if not more. They are the future and when we are dead and gone, they will run the world and they deserve to be treated as such. Not to be spoiled, but to be taught respect and discipline.

Anyway, the person who I refer to is my father. The crime he’s being charged with? Possession of child pornography. If what the police are saying is true, he has soiled the most innocent and protected thing on the planet, and that is disgraceful. He insists that he is innocent (of course he does, who would admit guilt?) But I have my doubts. Some things about him have come to light about him since the arrest and as it stands now, whether or not he’s innocent or guilty, it is doubtful that he will ever regain my trust.

As for some of my friends, I’m angry with them for a couple reasons. There are 2 people I talked to for advice on the situation who suggested that I turn to god. It made me ask myself a question:

1. Would my reaction be any different if I was not an atheist? If I believed in one or more gods?

And the answers to me are fairly simple. 1. No, my reaction would be no different. The man I have been closest with my whole life has betrayed my trust in the worst possible way. Neither gods nor men could change that. I’ve been told to have faith in my father (my birth father…not a pastor) but faith doesn’t win wars, soldiers do.

The world is a dark place, and right now times appear to be the darkest. I remind myself every day that the lights are brightest when seen from the dark, but always further away. I am trying my best to stay one step ahead of the dark, but it is not an easy thing to do.

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On a brighter note, I’ve got another update planned for later today to talk about poems and writing, and the possibility of getting myself published. So if you have any suggestions for my top works, let me know.

Thanks

Alex Hicks

I Need a Superhero

 
I need a superhero
To beat away the dark
To show me what the truth is
And tell me where to start
 
I need a superhero
To guide my falling star
To help me realize that this evil
Isn’t all we are.
 
I need a superhero
To pull me from my past
To ease the torments of my mind
And let me sleep at last.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

Anger and Betrayal (“Outside” by Hollywood Undead)

So some bad stuff happened today in my family, not a death; no, someone was arrested and charged with something that I believe is one of the most intolerable offences. Someone, might I add, who I’ve always been quite close to. I won’t tell you exactly exactly what it was, but it left my brain confused. I didn’t know whether to be angry, scared, or sad; or any combination of the three. After writing a letter to my family that neither they or the world will ever see, I’ve decided that anger is right at this moment. Anger is the right feeling for now. How this healing process progresses will determine how I feel in the future, but anger is right as of this moment. Anger and disappointment. He’s betrayed my trust, and he will never get it back. He knows who he is, and he will never see this, but he also knows that he’s forever broken my trust.
 
Anger
 
Anger feels so right right now. So right.
 

Want to Feel Something Real?

Here’s a little bit of free verse that I threw together this morning. Let me know what you think.

You want to feel something real?
Loss is something real
It’s a feeling of regret
A feeling of emptyness
A feeling like theres a hole in your chest
right next to your heart
and if you look insite that hole
you can see your heart
beating
beating
beating
And it wouldn’t be so bad
If you were the only one looking
But you’re not
The whole world is looking
Looking at your heart there
thumping
thumping
thumping
in your chest.
some may try to help you hide it
but no matter how hard they try
that feeling is still there
the feeling that the world is watching
staring at you as you cry
as your tears
drip
drip
drip
down your face.
You wish you could turn away
You wish they couldn’t see you
You wish they could see through you
like they can see through the hole in your chest
But part of you
part of you wants them to see
Part of you wants someone to be there
Someone who can hide you from the world
Someone who will catch you when you fall
Someone who won’t poke at your heart
Or try to cover the hole
But someone who will sew the wound together again
With strings pulled from their own heart
And that’s when you realize.
Everyone who is watching
Staring at your still beating heart
has a hole in their chest too
right next to their hearts
just
like
you.

©2013 Alex Hicks

The Tragedy of Unanswered Letters – A Duet

This one was written by myself and my good friend Shruti over at A Shade of Pen. She is a wonderful poet and we had so much fun writing this one. Be sure to go over to her blog and follow her!

It’s been endless years since I wrote to you
It’s been forever since I waited for your reply
And yet, every day when the sun rises;
My eyes gleam with the hope to hear from you
And yet, every night when the moon glitters
A silent tear slowly escapes as I still wait
 
The tears of the lonely show life in its glory
An eternity alone, a devastating story
At the surface it may appear that we’re gone
But we’ve been silently waiting here all along
On the surface you may see what you will
But deep underneath the tears eat their fill
 
The heart though broken sings a song
Despite the wait, it hungrily longs
To belong to the one for whom it still beats
And yet Destiny plays foul and doesn’t permits
Two long lost lovers to unite again
As each suffers silently in unfulfilled love’s lane
 
To rise above passion and beauty skin deep
And transcend differences and secrets they keep
Reaching forever for one combined goal
Sticking together, two halves of a whole
A fixture of time, steadfast it remains
Love breaks down borders and releases the pain.
 
As love oozes and flows from the heart
The broken shards hope of a new start
Hopes swell up and dash again
The heart hopes but in vain
Although, no letters reach her ever
Yet, her heart silently whispers.. Never say never
 
Whispering quietly in the dark
Her words to never reach their mark
Her tears fall silently and remain unseen
Never to be noticed by loves tragic scene
A complex and twisted tragedy
Of simple unrespected majesty
 
With love, longing, memories and pain
She still stands strong in this lane
A little part of her breaks everyday
And today, still and silent she lays
The unfulfilled longings of love finally made her die
Her body crumbles as there is no one to cry
A tragedy, a death; yet love shines
’cause separated in life, but upon death they unite
 
Life eternal without pain
Brings more suffering in vain
And living life without love to hold
Does force the hand of life to fold
And tears shed over something lost
Are far from a price that’s worth the cost
For life is a game of give and take
And love requires both to make.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks and Shruti (A Shade of Pen)

Whatever is not Stone

Whatever is not Stone