Happiness Comes to Those Who Wait

I’m broken
Shattered glass in a picture frame
But the pieces are all still there
Sitting
Cracked
In the frame.
And I keep lying to myself saying I’m not depressed
That I’m not anxious or lonely
 
“Happiness comes to those who wait.”
What bullshit. I’ve worked for happiness
I’ve worked to make my life okay
To make myself okay
But it never works
My heart beats to the sound
of a broken drum
It’s sound so lifeless
So quiet, so broken
 
But every single day I manage to hide it
Every single day I manage to lie
And I hate myself for it
But I can’t show weakness anymore
Because the world is a dangerous place
And to show weakness is to admit defeat
 
But what if, just what if,
What if Weakness is all I have left to show?
 
©2014 Alex Hicks

Behind Closed Doors

My life is perfect
My future is clear
My professional life
Is going strong
But no one can see
The tears I cry
Behind closed doors
 
No one can see
The lonely tears I cry
Behind closed doors.
 
©2014 Alex Hicks

A Duet – Beyond the Truth

This is written by myself and Hastywords I’ve done a lot of writing with her in the past and she remains to be an amazing poet and friend. Go check out her blog!

 
How do I overcome
This pain of a broken heart
How do I fix myself
I don’t know where to start
 
I feel overwhelmed
Disabled inside this emptiness
You left me hollow and numb
Inside a suffocating loneliness
 
Do I embrace the dark surrounding me?
Let it comfort me with its touch.
Or do I build my walls and shut it out?
Like the pain that hurts so much.
 
They say breathing is all it takes
To survive this painful dark
Lungs on fire, fighting my will
Oxygen struggling to leave its mark
 
So long bound by chains of passion
Only to be freed and bound again
By this pain of isolation
By the pains I hold within
 
I will sit alone in this dark
Become accustomed to its silence
Then perhaps someday
I’ll peer beyond its shadows
 
To the place where stars shone bright as suns
Where the sunlight filled my eyes
In my world where everything was right
beyond the truth and lies.
 
©2014 Alex Hicks and Hastywords

The Hardest Part

 
Some days waking up
Is the hardest thing I do
I’ve spend days now wide awake
Thinking of only you
 
Thinking of where I went wrong
Of how I screwed things up
Thinking on how much
It hurt just giving up.
 
And I wish that I could stay asleep
Because in dreams we’re still together
But it’s always interrupted
Because I know you’re gone forever
 
And I wish I could have fixed things
And that you had given me a chance
To repair the trust that I betrayed
To dance that twisted dance.
 
I know that one day I’ll be fine
That I’ll move on and live my life
But for now all I feel is misery
Amidst the pain, the hurt, and strife.
 
This broken hearted memory
Will haunt me for the time
Of what we had and what we lost
But someday I’ll be fine.
 
And that’s the hardest part.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

Reconstruct

 
I need a chance to sit, rebuild
Reconstruct the emotions spilled
To sit and watch this anger burn
And by fires light to watch them turn
 
I allow myself to disconnect
To give my brain time to dissect
The thoughts, emotions, memories
Changing me here presently.
 
So step back please I need my space
I will let you in sometime and place
But right now I need solidarity
To find what brings me clarity
 
I’m filled with rage and dissonance
And I fear I might not stand a chance
Of Ever stepping again as one
Out of the dark and into the sun.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

The Walls I Know So Well

So yesterday, me and my girlfriend broke up. It was on good terms and we are still “friends” but it still hurts. I thought I loved this girl, but I put too much of myself into a relationship that was only 3.5 months old. I was smothering her on top of everything she had to focus on with school and her family…I understood everything…It made sense…
 
But it still hurts…
 

 
I keep saying I could have fixed things
But I don’t think that I’d be able
I became far too reliant
On the feelings I’d enabled.
 
I expected her to care for me
So much more than what she did
After such a short relationship
I couldn’t handle what she hid
 
I let fall all my defenses
The walls I took so long to build
And now that I’m alone again
With loneliness I’m filled.
 
So now it’s time to step back
And rebuild the walls I fell
To shut out all the darkness
That I know so very well
 
So I will sit alone for now
And build up my hardened shell
I’ll rebuild what I let fall
The walls I know so well.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

The Tragedy of Unanswered Letters – A Duet

This one was written by myself and my good friend Shruti over at A Shade of Pen. She is a wonderful poet and we had so much fun writing this one. Be sure to go over to her blog and follow her!

It’s been endless years since I wrote to you
It’s been forever since I waited for your reply
And yet, every day when the sun rises;
My eyes gleam with the hope to hear from you
And yet, every night when the moon glitters
A silent tear slowly escapes as I still wait
 
The tears of the lonely show life in its glory
An eternity alone, a devastating story
At the surface it may appear that we’re gone
But we’ve been silently waiting here all along
On the surface you may see what you will
But deep underneath the tears eat their fill
 
The heart though broken sings a song
Despite the wait, it hungrily longs
To belong to the one for whom it still beats
And yet Destiny plays foul and doesn’t permits
Two long lost lovers to unite again
As each suffers silently in unfulfilled love’s lane
 
To rise above passion and beauty skin deep
And transcend differences and secrets they keep
Reaching forever for one combined goal
Sticking together, two halves of a whole
A fixture of time, steadfast it remains
Love breaks down borders and releases the pain.
 
As love oozes and flows from the heart
The broken shards hope of a new start
Hopes swell up and dash again
The heart hopes but in vain
Although, no letters reach her ever
Yet, her heart silently whispers.. Never say never
 
Whispering quietly in the dark
Her words to never reach their mark
Her tears fall silently and remain unseen
Never to be noticed by loves tragic scene
A complex and twisted tragedy
Of simple unrespected majesty
 
With love, longing, memories and pain
She still stands strong in this lane
A little part of her breaks everyday
And today, still and silent she lays
The unfulfilled longings of love finally made her die
Her body crumbles as there is no one to cry
A tragedy, a death; yet love shines
’cause separated in life, but upon death they unite
 
Life eternal without pain
Brings more suffering in vain
And living life without love to hold
Does force the hand of life to fold
And tears shed over something lost
Are far from a price that’s worth the cost
For life is a game of give and take
And love requires both to make.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks and Shruti (A Shade of Pen)

The Dark

I act as though I’ve left the dark
Like I’ve passed through it
And I’ll never see it again

But thats not true
I see it every day.
Somedays,
It’s closer than others
Somedays,
I’m right back in it again
It surrounds me.

But the difference is
I’ve learned to accept help
When I need it

I don’t think I could face the dark
Not again.
Not alone.

But I don’t need to
I don’t have to face the dark alone

I may not have a lot of friends
But what few I have
Mean the world to me.

And I would do anything for them
Just as they
Would do anything for me.

©2013 Alex Hicks

Part VIII: Echoes

Part I: Voice of an Angel
Part II: Dreamers Vice
Part III: Return to the Dream
Part IV: Illusions of the Moon
Part V: Beneath the Cherry Tree
Part VI: Face of an Angel
Part VII: The End of a Dream
Part VIII: Echoes

I wrote these two poems a while ago, and I completely forgot to post them. They’re a continuation of the series of poems I was writing at the beginning of this year.
 

 
I realize now the hidden truth
The facts about my life
Life
Life
 
The closing doors the final scores
That cut me like a knife
Knife
Knife
 
The dreams I had where she would speak
The ones where I would cry, so weak
Weak
Weak
 
And the times she lightly touched my face
Then disappeared without a trace
Trace
Trace
 
I decided to leave the real world behind
Not because of the people but because that I find
Find
Find
 
It is the only place that we can be one
To prevent my life from coming undone.
Undone
Undone
 
My dreams is the only place for this love of mine
That the only place that she exists and now
 
So do I.
I
I
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

Symphony of the Storm

WARNING: This does not in any way relate to my life. This poem is very dark. If you’re looking for something cheery, this will not be the poem for you. This poem touches on the topic of suicide, in the form of a story. Consider yourself warned.
 

 
Lighting strikes a tree
and the fire crackles bright
The temper of the storm
Lit by the fires light
 
Eves filling with water
Released into the groud
The storms subtle symphony
A peaceful restful sound
 
A home dark curtains open
A man listens to the song
His preperations are complete
His own resolve is gone.
 
The lighting cracks
The thunder roars
He ties the rope
and locks the doors
 
The rain wails on his window
The thunder at his door
One step, tense rope.
The man is now no more.
 
The rain sets the rhythm
The thunder brings the beat
The lighting is the ambiance
Symphonic storm complete.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks