Can I forever run away?
No, I’ll get you in time.
I can’t let them see me this way.
But they all see you’re mine.
I want to break free from the beast
But I’ve bound your hope in chains
I want freedom, love and peace
But you’ll fall to me, insane.
I want to break the ties that bind
But they’re stronger than you see
To look to light, answers to find
And you’ll always fall to me.
I can’t see the one who holds me down
But I’m always by your side
I can’t hear the creature not a sound
Your own anger leaves you blind
I just want the voice to stop
But It will not for we are one
In every action, every thought
Until our final setting sun.
©2014 Alex Hicks
Mirror mirror what do you see
When you look inside of me
Who is the monster I’ve become
That makes all of my loved ones run.
Mirror mirror tell me now
Tell me why I am and how
Tell me why everyone leaves
Of why this day I cannot seize
Mirror mirror look away
I want not to appear this way
I want not to see the thing I am
So look away, please, if you can.
Mirror mirror tell me true
Who is this person inside of you
Who looks and acts but cannot be
Please tell me that this isn’t me.
©2013 Alex Hicks
This poem is a reflection about Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken”. It was inspired also by sethsnap‘s post “Your Story: Whispers of Darkness“. I wouldn’t so much call is a response to it, but I was definitely inspired by it.
I went back
To where the path had split
Someone else had been there
And paved a road on it.
One side was still a path
Although it was looking worn
As if a thousand people
Had walked that path before.
This road must have its stories
I pondered as I went
At the split I faced it
That decision once again.
Which path to take
I’m afraid I do not know
With this hand holding my heart
It is not courage that I show.
©2013 Alex Hicks
Okay so I’ve been doing a lot of reading, psychology specifically, about introversion and how to deal with worry, stress, and depression. I think I have discovered a method to work on my issues.
I want to help people. I realize now that I cannot help others if I ignore my own problems.
I’m going to start keeping a journal. An e-journal. I’ll keep it on my computer at home and it should help me keep my thoughts straight in my head. How long will I have this journal? How often will I write in it? I don’t know. I probably won’t write in it every day, but I will write in it whenever I had a day where I had a depressing or anxious thought. That may end up being every day for a little while, but hopefully I’ll sort myself out before too long.
I also now realize that because of the state my mind is in, I am not ready for another relationship. I need to get myself straightened out first before I can have a successful relationship.
Currently, I feel lonely all the time. Even when I’m with my friends. Until I can be content when I am alone, until I learn to stop distancing myself from others, until I am able to tear down the walls that I’ve been building around myself for the past 4 years, I cannot be in a long term relationship. It would only bring more pain into the relationship and I don’t want that again.
Life is too short to spend it dwelling on past mistakes. Reflect on the past, don’t live in it.
Just my two cents.