My life is perfect
My future is clear
My professional life
Is going strong
But no one can see
The tears I cry
Behind closed doors
No one can see
The lonely tears I cry
Behind closed doors.
©2014 Alex Hicks
tears
Reconstruct
I need a chance to sit, rebuild
Reconstruct the emotions spilled
To sit and watch this anger burn
And by fires light to watch them turn
I allow myself to disconnect
To give my brain time to dissect
The thoughts, emotions, memories
Changing me here presently.
So step back please I need my space
I will let you in sometime and place
But right now I need solidarity
To find what brings me clarity
I’m filled with rage and dissonance
And I fear I might not stand a chance
Of Ever stepping again as one
Out of the dark and into the sun.
©2013 Alex Hicks
The Walls I Know So Well
So yesterday, me and my girlfriend broke up. It was on good terms and we are still “friends” but it still hurts. I thought I loved this girl, but I put too much of myself into a relationship that was only 3.5 months old. I was smothering her on top of everything she had to focus on with school and her family…I understood everything…It made sense…
But it still hurts…
I keep saying I could have fixed things
But I don’t think that I’d be able
I became far too reliant
On the feelings I’d enabled.
I expected her to care for me
So much more than what she did
After such a short relationship
I couldn’t handle what she hid
I let fall all my defenses
The walls I took so long to build
And now that I’m alone again
With loneliness I’m filled.
So now it’s time to step back
And rebuild the walls I fell
To shut out all the darkness
That I know so very well
So I will sit alone for now
And build up my hardened shell
I’ll rebuild what I let fall
The walls I know so well.
©2013 Alex Hicks
Want to Feel Something Real?
Here’s a little bit of free verse that I threw together this morning. Let me know what you think.
You want to feel something real?
Loss is something real
It’s a feeling of regret
A feeling of emptyness
A feeling like theres a hole in your chest
right next to your heart
and if you look insite that hole
you can see your heart
beating
beating
beating
And it wouldn’t be so bad
If you were the only one looking
But you’re not
The whole world is looking
Looking at your heart there
thumping
thumping
thumping
in your chest.
some may try to help you hide it
but no matter how hard they try
that feeling is still there
the feeling that the world is watching
staring at you as you cry
as your tears
drip
drip
drip
down your face.
You wish you could turn away
You wish they couldn’t see you
You wish they could see through you
like they can see through the hole in your chest
But part of you
part of you wants them to see
Part of you wants someone to be there
Someone who can hide you from the world
Someone who will catch you when you fall
Someone who won’t poke at your heart
Or try to cover the hole
But someone who will sew the wound together again
With strings pulled from their own heart
And that’s when you realize.
Everyone who is watching
Staring at your still beating heart
has a hole in their chest too
right next to their hearts
just
like
you.
©2013 Alex Hicks
The Tragedy of Unanswered Letters – A Duet
This one was written by myself and my good friend Shruti over at A Shade of Pen. She is a wonderful poet and we had so much fun writing this one. Be sure to go over to her blog and follow her!
It’s been endless years since I wrote to you
It’s been forever since I waited for your reply
And yet, every day when the sun rises;
My eyes gleam with the hope to hear from you
And yet, every night when the moon glitters
A silent tear slowly escapes as I still wait
The tears of the lonely show life in its glory
An eternity alone, a devastating story
At the surface it may appear that we’re gone
But we’ve been silently waiting here all along
On the surface you may see what you will
But deep underneath the tears eat their fill
The heart though broken sings a song
Despite the wait, it hungrily longs
To belong to the one for whom it still beats
And yet Destiny plays foul and doesn’t permits
Two long lost lovers to unite again
As each suffers silently in unfulfilled love’s lane
To rise above passion and beauty skin deep
And transcend differences and secrets they keep
Reaching forever for one combined goal
Sticking together, two halves of a whole
A fixture of time, steadfast it remains
Love breaks down borders and releases the pain.
As love oozes and flows from the heart
The broken shards hope of a new start
Hopes swell up and dash again
The heart hopes but in vain
Although, no letters reach her ever
Yet, her heart silently whispers.. Never say never
Whispering quietly in the dark
Her words to never reach their mark
Her tears fall silently and remain unseen
Never to be noticed by loves tragic scene
A complex and twisted tragedy
Of simple unrespected majesty
With love, longing, memories and pain
She still stands strong in this lane
A little part of her breaks everyday
And today, still and silent she lays
The unfulfilled longings of love finally made her die
Her body crumbles as there is no one to cry
A tragedy, a death; yet love shines
’cause separated in life, but upon death they unite
Life eternal without pain
Brings more suffering in vain
And living life without love to hold
Does force the hand of life to fold
And tears shed over something lost
Are far from a price that’s worth the cost
For life is a game of give and take
And love requires both to make.
©2013 Alex Hicks and Shruti (A Shade of Pen)
Part VIII: Echoes
Part I: Voice of an Angel
Part II: Dreamers Vice
Part III: Return to the Dream
Part IV: Illusions of the Moon
Part V: Beneath the Cherry Tree
Part VI: Face of an Angel
Part VII: The End of a Dream
Part VIII: Echoes
I wrote these two poems a while ago, and I completely forgot to post them. They’re a continuation of the series of poems I was writing at the beginning of this year.
I realize now the hidden truth
The facts about my life
Life
Life
The closing doors the final scores
That cut me like a knife
Knife
Knife
The dreams I had where she would speak
The ones where I would cry, so weak
Weak
Weak
And the times she lightly touched my face
Then disappeared without a trace
Trace
Trace
I decided to leave the real world behind
Not because of the people but because that I find
Find
Find
It is the only place that we can be one
To prevent my life from coming undone.
Undone
Undone
My dreams is the only place for this love of mine
That the only place that she exists and now
So do I.
I
I
©2013 Alex Hicks
Promise
I’m the kind of person who is happiest
When making other people happy.
If I make one person laugh every day
Then it will have been a good day for me.
This poses a small problem for me
When someone tells me
That they’ve had a hard life
I don’t know what to say because
Nothing I could say would make their situation
Any better.
So I just sit there in silence
Watching
Waiting
I don’t know what I’m waiting for.
Maybe I’m waiting for them to get mad at me
for not saying anything
Maybe I’m waiting for the tears they’ll inevitably cry
Or maybe I’m waiting for the moment to insert a joke
Or anything that I think will make them smile
But that moment rarely comes
There’s a time and place for everything
But there rarely seems to be a time and place for me
In the moment,
I’ll sit in silence watching your face
For signs of what you’ll do next.
Whether it be tears of sadness or rage
Or a scream
But I don’t speak
Because you’ve heard the lies before
“Everything will be fine”
“It will all work out in the end”
“I’ll always be here for you”
I won’t speak those lies
Because everything won’t be fine
It may not work out in the end
I may not always be here for you
But I’m here now.
That’s a promise I can keep.
I’ll be the ears to hear that scream
The shoulder to cry on
The foundation to hold you up
But I can’t promise to always be there for you
Because I don’t know if I can keep that promise.
©2013 Alex Hicks
Superhero
Last year I read a poem that ended with something along the lines of:
“But no one seems to notice
When a superhero sheds a tear.”
I can’t find that poem for the life of me now so if you have it I desperately want it for my collection.
This poem is inspired by that one.
Enjoy!
She walks the streets in sunlight
And no one really knows
The side of her that’s secret
The one she never shows.
She’s the invisible girl
And she’s always there to help
Purse snatcher, bank robbers
She’s not good for their health
She’ll save your falling child
Or thwart a robbers plan
She’ll save the day and vanish
As fast as she possibly can
But when it’s time for sunrise
She’ll be normal once again
A normal lonely girl
Waiting for the day to end
She lives in her apartment
Run down and full of mice
Living off of nothing
But water and some rice
She’s the invisible girl
Living in pain and fear
Because nobody will notice
When a superhero sheds a tear.
©2013 Alex Hicks
Death, It’s a Thing
So yeah
Death is a thing
and yeah
It sucks
But also
It happens
To everyone
At some point.
So why worry
It’s beyond
your control
People are born
People age
And people die.
And yeah
It’s sad
You’ll mourn
You’ll cry
You’ll weep
Tears of joy
At the life
they had
and no longer
have.
My advice?
Cry
Cry tears of sadness
of joy
of pain
of courage
it doesn’t matter
but cry
Because when you cry
Your tears leech from
other emotions
tears of sadness
leech from joy
joy from pain
pain from courage
It brings up
other emotions
Painful emotions
We wish we didn’t have.
So yeah
Death is a thing
But when I die,
I’ll have lived
knowing that my life
was important
If not to anyone
but myself.
©2013 Alex Hicks
Alone
Sure I’ve had hard times
I’ve been let down by friends
I’ve been betrayed
Stabbed in the back
Shot myself in the foot
Threw stones from a glass house
And laughed as it fell apart
Threw stone AT a glass house
Then cried as it fell apart.
There is no feeling in this world
As terrible as guilt.
Just as there is no feeling
As beautiful as love.
Not just love.
But true love.
Waking up beside one person
Every
Single
Morning
And smiling at her sleeping face
Asking yourself
“How did SHE end up with ME”
and
“She is way out of my league”
Because she is.
But you swung that bat anyway.
And you hit a home run.
That’s it.
That’s the feeling.
Every time you look at her
You feel like you just hit a home run.
Well, that’s what I think it will be anyway.
I’ve never found true love.
And the worst part is…
I’m not sure I ever will.
©2013 Alex Hicks
Into Dawn 