I push and I push and I push
You push everyone away.
I push away the people I love.
But not her.
you’re so afraid
That she’ll leave me.
Just like the rest did.
Yet, she promises she won’t.
So why do you keep pushing?
She hates seeing me like this.
You hate yourself like this.
She tells me that she loves me
But you don’t love yourself.
She says she wants to be with me
But you don’t want to be with yourself.
And more than anything I want to be with her.
Then you know what you must do.
I can’t fight it alone anymore.
You never really had to.
Anxiety has taken so much from me
Then don’t let it take any more.
I’m going to make one final stand
You won’t be standing alone.
I won’t let this win.
WE won’t let this win.
This battle may be done
You’ve lost a lot of ground.
But the war is far from over
We’ll stand behind you always.
I fight so I can be with her
We fight so you can be with you.
I fight so I can be with me.
We fight to keep your sanity.
She’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me
you really love her don’t you?
Yes, she is my everything.
Then we fight so you will not lose her.
We fight so I will not lose her.
We fight and we will win.
We will win.
©2014 Alexander J Hicks
I wrote an etheree! well, a double-etheree. Easily one of my favourite forms of poetry. Read about it here. Because sometimes, you need to work to get a starting point, then work more to make it worth your time.
than you have
dug until now.
Bury yourself in
the weight of words of those
who have been where you are now
because you will someday be free
of the things that keep you trapped down here.
Spring forth into the unknown, a victor.
If you can see the sky, it is in reach,
so dig deeper than you have before
and find yourself some solid ground;
a starting point, a baseline.
And with your force of will,
jump high as you can
and see the world
from the height
©2014 Alex Hicks
I’ve been betrayed so many times I lost track
Felt the cold knife getting lodged in my back
But it doesn’t deter me, I won’t slow down
I just hope that the world won’t see me fall down.
I don’t want to be angry, I don’t want to be sad
I want to be happy with the life that I have
But my friends and my family, they all know the words
That take all of my pain and just make it worse
I know they don’t mean to, with “I know how you feel”
But they don’t really know, this pain is too real
So I smile and thank them, for misguided advice
After all I cannot blame them, they’re just being nice.
But if I can’t take their words to heart
Then to stop this pain where do I start
What began once as heartbreak has grown to something more
What do I want with life? What do I fight for?
I fight for the right to fight for the words
That give each of us wings so we can take off like birds
For the graves of the many who have died for the fight
Who at one point did fight for this very right
I fight for the passion in every word on the page
All the beauty, the sadness, the fear and the rage
For the wonders of first loves, first kisses, first times
For the natural beauty the sun brings when it shines
That’s why I fight, what about you?
Do you fight for your loved ones in all that you do?
Or do you fight for yourself, lest you rest well at night
I’m asking you, tell me, why do you fight?
©Alex Hicks 2014
Writing a few lines of verse
Doesn’t make you a songwriter
Just as a few letters on a page
Doesn’t make you a book writer
Rhyming words strung together
Does not a poet make
Nor are you a singer
With a few notes on the page.
But every poem must start
By a single written line
And expanded with experience
And tempered over time
The ability to write
does not make a poet
You can know what a pen is
But not know how to use it
See, what makes a poet
Is not the ability to write
It’s the emotions of the artist
It’s the driving will to fight
It’s the experiences had
That really make them think
Emotions boiled over
In some simple drops of ink
©2013 Alex Hicks
I put myself there.
I dug my own grave
I was ready to give up
I was ready to quit
To stop trying.
I had built walls around myself
And everytime I said I would tear them down
I just built them thicker
A different kind of self harm
A different kind of suicide.
But I stopped.
Someone reached out to me
To pull me from my dark place
And into the light I had glimpsed.
I didn’t give up
I didn’t quit
And unbeknownst to me
I had more friends than I thought.
Friends I didn’t even know about
Watching unseen from the sidelines of my life
Concerned with where I was going
But unable to really help.
And now, I can see all of them
I no longer have friends on the sidelines
I can now see them
Fighting with me
Fighting their own demons as well as mine
Just as I am fighting theirs.
I’ve joined the fray
I’ve drawn my blade
I’ll lead the charge
I’ll clear the way.
My shield a bastion
My sword will strike true
Let enemies approach me
I will push through.
My steed carries foreward
The head of the charge
I will face any problems
No matter how large
The blood of my foes
Will paint the ground red
Until all of my demons
Have ended up dead.
I will fight for my morals
I will fight with the best
Until the day comes
That I draw my last breath.
©2013 Alex Hicks
Hi everybody! First, let me say, WOW!. 282 Followers. More than I thought I’d ever have.
Of course, 50 was more than I thought I’d ever have.
Thank you to everyone who follows me and comments and reblogs and shares my work around the interwebs. It means so much to me that people want to read what I write. I could not thank you all enough 🙂
Last week, Time became the most liked poem I’ve posted at 49 likes as of 10/06/2013 at 7:45am ADT. Thanks so much guys and gals!
On to the update!
Some big changes are ahead for me in the coming months. Not so much on this blog, aside from hoping to be able to write more, but in real life.
I’ve been going to a psychologist for the past few months and after our very last session on friday, I came to the sudden realization that if I want to do what I dream of doing in my life, I need to get off my ass and start doing something and not just talk about it; so I’m doing something about it.
In a couple days I’m going to get my beginners drivers license and book my road test. I’m looking for a One-Bedroom or Bachelor Apartment not far from work as to give me quite a bit more free time, as well as looking into some dating websites because I think I’m finally ready to be in a relationship again. I’ve also been looking at getting a new car; but that all hinges on me getting my license. I’ve already failed the road test once so I should be able to ace it this time right?
Anyway, that’s it for this update, I’ll post a couple poems in a bit, and I’ll give you guys another update next monday!
A Name Change and a new Layout!
When I started this blog, I was going through some pretty heavy anxiety issues. (I still am.) I suffer from major social anxiety, in that, if it requires a face-to-face conversation I get anxious to the point of losing my appetite and sometimes even feeling sick.
Things were rough there for a while, but now I’m seeing a Psychologist who is helping me deal with my anxiety problems, so things are looking better. Which is why I decided to change the name of my blog!
From the darkness
We were born
Our hearts to bear
the scars we’ve worn.
But in dark times
One can be sure
To trust in those
With hearts so pure
So as to never
To stand and fight
I stand with the sun
As we wake the lark
But where does one go
Upon leaving the dark?
©2013 Alex Hicks
So I am a huge country music fan. So I decided I’d post some of the most motivational songs from my collection of country to help motivate those that need it.
Joe Nichols – The Impossible
Garth Brooks – Standing Outside the Fire
Emerson Drive – Moments
Brad Paisley – Letter to Me
Kenny Chesney – The Good Stuff
Just a little big of motivation for people. I know these songs helped me through some rough times, hopefully they will for you too.
I used to feel fear
With nobody here
But now I can be own my own.
I’m beginning to feel
that slowly I’ll heal
My emotions will make themselves known.
This ocean is vast
And I’m learning fast
That plans all take time to unfurl
Time always fades
With plans that we’ve made
And I have all the time in the world.
My future unknown
What seeds have I sewn?
I guess soon I will find out.
And then like lightning
I’ll go down fighting
And fall with one dying shout.
I know who I am
I know what I can
And what I cannot do.
And I know that I will
As desires fulfilled
The end, I will see this through!
And I will cast out
The shadow and doubt
The darkness that’s plaguing my mind.
So you can be sure
That my heart is pure
This toll I have paid in kind!
It has been too long
Since Ive felt I belonged
In this world where so many are free.
But freedom, it costs
So for some it is lost
And now I’m beginning to see.
That the cost isn’t paid
In one deposit made
It is paid every day that you live.
And though it may seem
That the cost is unseen
It’s the love we all have to give.
I am certain now
I did not need to be found
To take my dreams down off the shelf.
I had opened my eyes
And to my surprise
All I needed was to find myself.
©2012 Alex Hicks