To Be Consumed…

Some people know me as the one who says sorry too much
Apologizing for the sake of apologizing, because I’m sorry
but I can’t be the person you want me to be
I can’t be the one that follows you around and makes you feel safe
because I don’t always feel safe.

That’s not to say that I don’t want you to feel safe around me
Because I do.

But I can’t give someone something that I don’t myself have
I can’t securely give you security while I’m insecure
in the thought that I have what I need, that I’m living how I want, how I need.

I have needs too, and I’ve been frowned on and looked down on
and stepped on by those who wanted to get ahead of me
but I don’t hate them. I respect them.

Because they’re willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want in life
even if that means losing friends.
And maybe that’s because they have.
Maybe it’s because they’ve been hurt in the past and they,
they don’t let anyone in anymore because they’re afraid.

Afraid of being hurt again so they reach.
They reach for the only thing they have left to reach for.
And they can’t afford to stop to let someone in while on the way there.
or maybe, maybe they just won’t let anything hold them down.

but there’s a fatal flaw.
Whether you’ve been hurt in the past, or if you don’t want anyone to hold you down.
You’re still acting out of fear.

Fear of letting someone in.
Fear of being hurt again.
Fear of someone holding you down.

But trust me…I’ve seen these things before. Been on the outside looking in.

Been part of the audience at the circus of freaks.
But I’ve also been on stage.
I’ve been the main attraction.

The lion tamer, the bearded lady, the strong man.
The don’t hold a candle to me.

Because I’ve been consumed by fears.
I’ve watched it devour everything…
everyone…
I’ve ever loved.

Then I watched it’s gaping jaws descend on me
And I’ve watched as my life was consumed by it.

The fear.

And I won’t let it consume anymore.

©2015 Alexander J Hicks

Arid Waters

Drink of the water of the sleepless.
The water which within itself tastes dry.

A thirst that cannot be quenched
but by the bourbon of another’s thoughts;
by the whiskey of another’s dreams

Getting drunk on thoughts and dreams
does naught but catch the mind
in nets like spiders webs.
Made of the lines
that once formed letters,
that once formed words,
that once formed thoughts.

Twisted, tangled, messy and chaotic;
the web of strings of letters and words
touches me like one would touch a lover.

A soft caress – a gentle kiss.

And the senselessness of twisted words
becomes clear within the passionate embrace.

In chaos there is order;
In madness there is sanity.
And drinking of another’s thoughts –
tasting of another’s dreams –

Is getting drunk from an arid well.

©2015 Alex Hicks

They Are Us

This one was inspired by a submission by one of my followers on my new Tumblr page: Words to Write By

we are ‘they’
we are ‘society’
but we speak of both as though they were separate from ourselves.

or my favorite thing ever said:
…out of nothing and no way, a way will be made…Michael Beckwith
probably waaayyy too many words, but I talk too much, and as you can see here…I write too much. 🙂 Stacia

— stacia-elizabeth

---

They spoke truth
They spoke lies
They stole our future
They promised with their eyes

They told us how we should live
They told us where to work
They told us what we should eat
They told us when to hurt

They told us we had free will
They told us to decide
Then told us that what we had chosen
Was nothing but a lie

They told all of these things
What we should aim to be
But the truth in life remains
The only “they” is “we”

©2013 Alex Hicks

End of The Rainbow

 
Yeah
I’ve seen the end of a rainbow
And let me tell you something
There is no pot of gold
No leprechaun laughing
And telling jokes
 
But what is there
 
Is a message.
That everything ends.
Everything in life has a beginning
 
And an end.
Everything ends.
 
Friends leave…
Trees fall…
Rain stops…
Rivers run dry…
Ice Melts…
…Stars die.
 
None of which we can stop.
 
The inevitabilities in life
Should make you to be a better person
 
Just don’t let your entire life be changed
By the message at the end of the rainbow.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

Lead The Charge

 
I put myself there.
I dug my own grave
I was ready to give up
I was ready to quit
To stop trying.
 
I had built walls around myself
And everytime I said I would tear them down
I just built them thicker
 
A different kind of self harm
A different kind of suicide.
 
But I stopped.
 
Someone reached out to me
To pull me from my dark place
And into the light I had glimpsed.
 
I didn’t give up
I didn’t quit
 
And unbeknownst to me
I had more friends than I thought.
Friends I didn’t even know about
Watching unseen from the sidelines of my life
Concerned with where I was going
But unable to really help.
 
And now, I can see all of them
I no longer have friends on the sidelines
I can now see them
Fighting with me
Fighting their own demons as well as mine
Just as I am fighting theirs.
 
I’ve joined the fray
I’ve drawn my blade
I’ll lead the charge
I’ll clear the way.
 
My shield a bastion
My sword will strike true
Let enemies approach me
I will push through.
 
My steed carries foreward
The head of the charge
I will face any problems
No matter how large
 
The blood of my foes
Will paint the ground red
Until all of my demons
Have ended up dead.
 
I will fight for my morals
I will fight with the best
Until the day comes
That I draw my last breath.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

Open Your Eyes

 
The time has come
Humanity is on the rise
So remove your blindfold
And open your eyes.
 
We spent so long in the dark
But now we’ve come to see
That the universe is out there
In all of its infinity.
 
Every day people wake up
To pull the blindfold off their face
To look around and see the world
The potential of the human race.
 
And yeah we grieve
And we all get sad
And the world doesn’t care
But don’t get mad.
 
Because there are people here
That care more than you know
For your personal well being
Than they sometimes care to show.
 
Because the day has finally come
Humanity is on the rise
So remove the blindfold
And open your eyes.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

Songbird

 
Listen to the chirping
Of the robin having fun
Rising early in the day
To greet the morning sun
 
It sings of ages lost in time
Of voices left unheard
The songs ignored by all of us
By the beutiful songbird
 
Listen to the whistling
of the sparrow in the morn
It is through this that we can live
And how our mind can form
 
It sings of heroes time forgot
That ignorance has burned
The songs ignored by all of us
By the beautiful songbird
 
Listen to the squaking
Of the most obnoxious crow
realize they look down on us
For the hatred we bestow
 
It sings of blood shed time again
Like painfull ragweed burrs
The songs ignored by all of us
By the beautiful songbird
 
Listen to the canary chorus
To the beauty of its sound
Of deeds deed of caring people
Of the beauty it has found.
 
It sings of friendships meant to last
Beyond the single word
So often ignored by all of us
By the beautiful songbird.
 
So don’t ignore the songbird
It gives what we require
The beauty to shape our lives
Into that which we desire.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

(06/01/2013) Knowing Defeat

 
How does it feel,
to know that you’ve failed?
Does it make your heart burn,
with every breath you inhale?
 
I know how it feels;
I’ve been there before.
It’s kind of like waves,
crashing on the shore.
 
And just like waves
failure washes in,
and though you may fight it;
you’ll never win.
 
So the sooner you accept it,
the better you’ll be.
Because what is success,
if you don’t know defeat?
 
©2013 Alex Hicks
 
 

Sorry about this one being a day late, I got the date mixed up in my head so I set the publish date wrong lol my mistake. -Alex H.

(03/01/2013) Hindsight

 
I’ve heard it said
now and again
That hindsight is twenty-twenty.
 
And I just blink
and start to think
What if foresight had vision plenty?
 
No more mistakes
Hearts wouldn’t break
And confidence goes on the rise.
 
Ultimately
I think it would lead
To our own untimely demise.
 
All in good show
Our egos would grow
With everything perfectly planned
 
We’d have our wish
We’d all be rich
We could all lounge around in the sand.
 
But we would get sick
of our lives real quick
If nothing came as a surprise.
 
Wouldn’t it be fun
To sit in the sun
With just a blank stare in our eyes.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks

A Toast to the Forgotten

 
I guess things are different now
I don’t know if I know how
 
To find a path all on my own
Or even if I have a home
 
My story’s shorter than that of most
But I’ll raise my glass, propose a toast.
 
To those like me who can’t be found
And those who look, always around.
 
To life-like spirits who walk beside
To the emotions we all keep inside
 
For those who try but can’t succeed
For those who walk but won’t proceed
 
To those who are locked in their mind
To those of us who walk behind
 
For those of you who fall off track
For those of you who won’t look back
 
To those of you who live the life
To those of you who throw the dice
 
And if you feel you have no home
I toast to you, you’re not alone.
 
©2013 Alex Hicks